Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus - "Hey Ben" Mini-Review 1 - by Mark Oswald

Just a few moments ago I was writing an email to my Soda on the Roof Blog life-partner, Ben Stumpf. I brought up how I watched a movie last week featuring two gargantuan beasts, life long enemies, and relics of a simpler time. As I gave a brief explanation of the "film", I thought, "hey, this might as well be up on the Blog". So as a tribute to its origins, smaller reviews posted on this site (by me, at least) will be categorized as "Hey Ben" Mini-Reviews. Read on and enjoy!

Last week my girlfriend and I were looking for something fairly low brow to enjoy on a night that began like any other. Perhaps still under the influence of Troll 2 (viewed 11/27/09), my lady scoured my Netflix account in search of a "Watch Instantly" gem that would make the night complete. To be honest, searching Netflix for a movie to watch isn't always our strong suit. We'll look and look, finding nothing, and just end up watching re-runs of LOST. So I got up to check out my own vast collection of DVDs, when not a minute goes by before I hear, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus!" A smile gleemed across my face as I turned around to give the thumbs up.

Now this was not a new discovery for me. I had heard things about this title, off and on, for months now. Even more than that, it was actually already on my Netflix Queue, which I admitted (confessed?) not long after we had made our decision. Regardless, beers in hand, we decided to start it up.

So what was the damage?

This scene is only beaten by the one where the titular Mega-Shark takes out a jumbo jet, mid-flight.

Well for starters, it starred 80's pop star Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, who most notably starred in the 90's outlaw action TV show, Renegade (which I will admit to loving at the time). It had the kind of budget matched only by the Sci-fi (sorry, Sy-Fy, ugh) Channel. In my email to Ben I told him that if he was annoyed at the re-using of shots in Enemy at the Gates, then this would just blow his mind. Perhaps the CGI was so impressive during post-production, that they wanted to make sure each and every effects shot was used at least 12 times. Fascinating.

In all honesty though, the CGI was bad, the acting was worse, and for some reason, every other character seemed to have a lisp. Oh yes, it was truly a golden goose egg of movie-making.

Take a drink every time this face is made. Good luck liver!

This being a Mini-Review, I won't spoil much more, as I'm not the type of person to ruin classics of cinema with my over-active mouth. I'll just say that I do not regret watching this movie at all. It fits in well with my odd tastes as of late. These days I've just been in the mood to watch complete garbage. Oscar bait? No thanks. I think i'll stick to the likes of Gymkata.

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